a calm in the storm : Issue No. 2 "SERVING"

"Seek to understand before being understood."
Glenn and Barbi Rouse

Before we got married we were blessed by Glenn and Barbi Rouse. An amazing husband and wife team who lead a pre-marital counseling class. Their class takes you through different questions and obstacles that can arise between two people in a committed relationship. (If you live in Orange County, we strongly recommend their class called "Love for a Lifetime"). One of the hardest things to do in a relationship is put yourself aside and put your husband/wife, fiance, boyfriend/girlfriend first. The key is seeking to understand their heart, their perspective, their feelings before you press on to make them understand your own. I've found in my marriage, when I first put myself in my husband's shoes and recognize his point, he then has the opportunity to recognize mine. Generally, it's the other way around. :) I have an amazing husband who knows how to take my guard down by doing nothing more than relinquishing the need to prove his point. It brings me to a humbling place when I see what an amazing man of God he is by coming to me with the desire to know my heart before sharing his. When we serve each other first, we are served in return in a way that is so sweet because it is without reserve. We've been able to work through the difficulties of emotions with open ears. There are times when we are talking and realizing we're not getting anywhere. You have to stop and set the pride aside. It's not about being right or wrong, or getting your point across, it's about loving each other through the conflict and miscommunication. It's about closing your mouth and opening your ears, it's about seeking to understand before being understood, it's about putting your spouse first like you would if you were still trying to catch their eye the very first time you met him/her. Did you ever go out of your way to try to catch a glimpse of each other? Did you walk the long way to your desk at the office just to walk by your fiance? Or did you get to class an hour early and walk a mile in the opposite direction of your class hoping to "run" into him/her? You put the opportunity to see them well before your needs or time frame. That power of putting yourself aside and putting the other person first will change the dynamic of your relationship and fulfill both of you in ways that exceed your expectations. It will keep your marriage alive, your relationship fresh and your actions will begin to reflect your intentions. The Pastor at our church said something one Sunday that stuck in both Andrew's and my head. "We judge others by their actions while we judge ourselves by our intentions." We need to strive to have our actions meet our intentions and to always view your spouse for their intentions. To serve them into a place where their intentions become their actions because there is a humble love that rules over your relationship. As you plan your marriage and your life together, remember to put yourself aside. Leave your pride at the door and ask yourself what you can do to serve the person you love. Make your relationship a priority in your life because it's easy to take it for granted. As you're planning the details for your wedding day, the list of tasks can become large and overwhelming. But remember, the most important thing is the person who will be standing across from you at the alter. Serve that person vowing to become one with you on your wedding day before you serve yourself.